Ch-ch-cha-changes…

My entire life is about to change. I’m going to be a father.

 I am going to be a father?

And, soon, I’m going to be get my dream job. But dream job doesn’t do it justice. Passion. Heart. Strength. I can’t believe it. I was 13 or 14 when I knew what I wanted to do- what I knew would be the best use of me. No, I didn’t know exactly what, or where, that was. No, I wasn’t psychic. I just knew. Or had an idea. An inkling. A premonition.

Dejavu is here, and I have more questions than ever before. I like to be prepared. Tonight Amie and I and our friend Katie carved pumpkins. While the ladies were getting going, where was I? Here, Googling “How to carve a pumpkin.” I wanted to be prepared. No- I needed to know that I was ready.

And this is where I am again. I need to know that I am ready. That I really do have what it takes.

Do I really have what it takes?

I received this email from my planned boss.

“That (the results of my evaluation) is pretty much what I would have imagined! We are anticipating you being a key part of the future of              . Prepare yourself for life to change!”

The anonymity is deliberate.

There’s that word again. Prepare. Is there a course I can take? A book to read? An employee manual to scan?

How does one steel them self for their grail?

AND I’M GOING TO BE A DAD!?

I think I get that. Maybe.

What do I do when their pain and hurts can’t be helped? What if…

Abba! Help! Am I ready? Am I primed for all this? I want it. But am I prepared?

What am I going on about? The kid? The job?

Yes.

This is everything I’ve ever wanted. Kinda. Christ, my Abba Father, is everything-everything. He’s IT. But for now, for here- this is big.

Yes, its phantasmagorical. Yes, I am enlivened. No, I still won’t name my kid after you.